Why does this have to be so difficult?

We dumped Jordan off at the MTC today. Man, it's hard. Much harder than I ever imagined. I'm gonna miss that kid so much. When the rest of us went on missions, there was a farewell meeting at the MTC that was pretty much 20 minutes of torture, then families left through one door, missionaries through another. I don't know who thought that was a good idea, but it was that way for just about ever. Now, you just leave your missionary at the curb and drive away. I'm not sure which way is better, but at least the new way is faster. I call it the band-aid farewell. It may be painful, but at least it's fast. I heard the torture meeting was changed to the band-aid drop off around the time of the swine flu pandemic, to stop the spread of disease. I think the people who work at the MTC were just tired of escorting out crying families.

I had this whole little 'big sister pep talk' that I was going to give her as we hugged good-bye, but I was crying so hard, that I couldn't even talk. What a good example I am. It's such a strange thing. Missions are so awesome and I pushed really hard for her to go, but now I'm upset because I didn't really think about how I would suffer. But, deep down, I know it's such an incredible experience and exactly what she needs. I know that she'll struggle and have super awful days, but I also know that she'll grow and learn so much through those struggles that it will all be worth it. Missions really are the highest highs and the lowest lows.

Doesn't she look like an hermana already?

The fact that there are no pictures of me was very intentional. I was such a mess. Actually, we all were, except Cade and he doesn't have a heart. People kept asking me if I wanted a picture with her. "Uh, no thanks. I'm good." I don't really want to have a visual reminder of my nervous breakdown. As we said our final good-byes through sobs and tears, my dad called out after her, "Good Luck Hermana!" But he said hermana like HHHerm Anna! It was so funny and we all laughed (and cried) really hard. He said he was "Just trying to lighten the mood!" He's funny.

Oh, I almost forgot. We ate lunch at Olive Garden (a popular spot for the last supper) and when we were done, we got in the car to head to the MTC. Dad suggested that we have a quick family prayer, so we called Beth, Kyle and Janae on cell phones and bowed our heads. Right as Dad started the prayer, I tried to stifle a sob and made a really awful and somewhat loud noise. Jordan started laughing, then I did, then Dad did. Mom and Cade quickly followed suit. Pretty sure the sibs on the phones had no idea what the heck was going on. Let's just say that it was far from reverent and that it's going down in history - much to my dismay. I remember knowing that the sound was coming from me, but being powerless to stop it. We were all so emotional and were literally laughing and crying at the same time. Good times.

I hope she is doing well. I vividly remember that it's such a strange adjustment. I struggled the first few days, but then it got easier. It's a little weird that I drive right past the MTC twice a day but that I have to pay $.44 to mail her a letter. It's worth it. I've already written her. I remember that it took like a week for my family to send me a letter, so I wanted to start early.

I'm so proud of her and know that she will rock this.